To all my adoring fans out there. So the big news of this last week is that we had changes. My first companion Elder Vermont, as some may know as the guy I complain about as sucking for this last weeks, was changed out and put in I don't know where because I was only trying to listen to who would be my new companion. Well the good news is that I still have the streak going and I am 2-0 with companions that aren't from Utah.
Yeah so my new companion is named Elder Degriselles from California and this will be his death in his mission. as in he will be going home after this area. He heads home in...February and I will be the one to kill him...as in make sure he doesn't get baggy and not work hard until he goes home. Yeah turns out Pappy Dester (President Dester) thinks I am one of the hardest working missionaries in his empire and here I was thinking that I was just trying to have an adventure every single day.
Now my companion isn't a planchero or anything it's just he knows a lot and we have been working hard to progress this area. I am excited cause we are just tearing up the lessons now. So we should be having a whole new wave of success. So this up coming week we have two more baptisms this Friday.
So in other news this week is elections and so we have been mandated by our leaders that we will not be leaving the house for three days, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday so you will be getting the report for the next week late by one day.
This is security for us since last elections there were huge riots and the whole country had like a civil war for a week. Yeah turns out politics can get crazier than in the states. So the party that we are hoping not to get voted into office is the Libre partido, aka the extreme socialist who their candidate for president has been making promises that make her sound like a certain other socialist candidate in 1930's Germany only she doesn't have a mustache but the jury is still out on that one.
Don't worry about us we have a certain Big Man Upstairs looking out for us so we are all good. Well the only other news we are going to have dinner with some gringos from Utah that are rich and down here for the week and they are buying us all we can eat pizza so that should be really fun tonight.
Well yeah haven't really punched anyone else this week but no promises. Well love you all and can't wait to have word from you guys. Love you all and "will catch you on the flipside" (movie reference intended)
Mike
November 18, 2013
November 11, 2013
The Jungle Report, Ed 11 Nov
So this week in the Jungle of Honduras, well it began kinda crappy and I was feeling kinda down in the dumps. But eh enough of that. We worked none the less and fought hard and are progressing the work here in Honduras. So this week the great news is that we are having a baptismal font being built in our little church house here. That is so stinking much I can't even explain. The amount of hassle and heartache when it comes to baptisms just died, and there was much rejoicing.
So while that has been going on I am once again reminded of how lazy the men are here. So the crew working on the ont have needed one guy to work all this week and help them and the church would pay them too...as in 4 or 5 times more than they make in the same time. And my companion and I are always hounded by people (members too) for money. So this week we gave the opportunity to these guys in the branch who are currently unemployed to work and none...NONE of them wanted to work. They just keep bugging us for money because that is way easier. So we have been trying all week to find someone who needs money to come and do some work and get money. Who would have thought it would be hard to get someone to come earn a heck of a lot more money than they would get normally? Well we still have yet to solve that mystery but eh...it will work out maybe.
So we have also been teaching this little kid Alejandro who is 8. He is going to count for a baptism for the branch cause his family are members. But this whole week we have been trying to teach him two principles, the law of tithing and the law of chastity. But he thinks he is really runny and so this week has been less fun than taking a cheese grater to my eyeball. A full week where every day we are only trying to get him to remember that it is 10% of your increase and the other is to remain sexually pure. Those two sentences.
Well Saturday I had finally had enough and it was time for the good ole good cop, bad cop routine. Well I played the bad cop who was chewing him out and was "angry" with him for being stupid about this. It was a rather easy role to play since the character's feelings in this scene reflected my own. Well I started to chew him out and ended up putting a curse on him. Yeah, straight up botched that one. He just started bawling but then after he actually has been very grown up and is learning like a champ now. But yeah that was pretty great to find out afterwards why my companion's face was priceless and his mouth was open with the widest eyes I have ever seen. Yeah well every day is an adventure right?
Well after that on Sunday I got grazed by a moto taxi. Turns out the guy was drunk and got out to chew me out for him hitting me on the sidewalk. Well my sleeve of my shirt was all ripped and I have some scratches on that arm but this hombre got out and after trying to calm him down for him hitting me he tried to throw a punch so sloppy and slow that it was funny but that punch was easily absorbed and a faster, more accurate punch from a bigger fist was applied post haste and resulted that from a student of the sciences standpoint, once again Newton's and others' theories of physics were proven valid once again. That for every action there is an opposite reaction and that when the mass of a large object with high velocity collides with a smaller, more drunk object the force that is applied to the small object is extreme and has dramatic effects. The law of gravity was also proven valid in this incident as was the study of anatomy proved very useful.
When the human nose receives a brutal blow blood tends to flow at high velocity out of the said damaged nose. So yes for all you science bums out there Sunday was a good day for science. So the guy in the taxi, who wasn't drunk scraped up his friend and took him home. There were people laughing at this whole bum that got his reward.
So all in all the world still rolls on down here. We have to baptisms coming up and they are for Emma and Clara. They are getting really prepared and are all excited for their big days. Well that is all that news that is worth having in these weeks chronicles, oh and don't worry mom, I am never in any danger. Ready Alma chapters 17-27 and you will see that like this example here in these chapters I am good and safe in the same mission that they were in. Well I loves most of you guys, it's now your job to fight over those slots of who is love and who isn't. Yes these are tryouts...oh but if you are from New Jersey you automatically lose. Well see ya next week,
Mike
So while that has been going on I am once again reminded of how lazy the men are here. So the crew working on the ont have needed one guy to work all this week and help them and the church would pay them too...as in 4 or 5 times more than they make in the same time. And my companion and I are always hounded by people (members too) for money. So this week we gave the opportunity to these guys in the branch who are currently unemployed to work and none...NONE of them wanted to work. They just keep bugging us for money because that is way easier. So we have been trying all week to find someone who needs money to come and do some work and get money. Who would have thought it would be hard to get someone to come earn a heck of a lot more money than they would get normally? Well we still have yet to solve that mystery but eh...it will work out maybe.
So we have also been teaching this little kid Alejandro who is 8. He is going to count for a baptism for the branch cause his family are members. But this whole week we have been trying to teach him two principles, the law of tithing and the law of chastity. But he thinks he is really runny and so this week has been less fun than taking a cheese grater to my eyeball. A full week where every day we are only trying to get him to remember that it is 10% of your increase and the other is to remain sexually pure. Those two sentences.
Well Saturday I had finally had enough and it was time for the good ole good cop, bad cop routine. Well I played the bad cop who was chewing him out and was "angry" with him for being stupid about this. It was a rather easy role to play since the character's feelings in this scene reflected my own. Well I started to chew him out and ended up putting a curse on him. Yeah, straight up botched that one. He just started bawling but then after he actually has been very grown up and is learning like a champ now. But yeah that was pretty great to find out afterwards why my companion's face was priceless and his mouth was open with the widest eyes I have ever seen. Yeah well every day is an adventure right?
Well after that on Sunday I got grazed by a moto taxi. Turns out the guy was drunk and got out to chew me out for him hitting me on the sidewalk. Well my sleeve of my shirt was all ripped and I have some scratches on that arm but this hombre got out and after trying to calm him down for him hitting me he tried to throw a punch so sloppy and slow that it was funny but that punch was easily absorbed and a faster, more accurate punch from a bigger fist was applied post haste and resulted that from a student of the sciences standpoint, once again Newton's and others' theories of physics were proven valid once again. That for every action there is an opposite reaction and that when the mass of a large object with high velocity collides with a smaller, more drunk object the force that is applied to the small object is extreme and has dramatic effects. The law of gravity was also proven valid in this incident as was the study of anatomy proved very useful.
When the human nose receives a brutal blow blood tends to flow at high velocity out of the said damaged nose. So yes for all you science bums out there Sunday was a good day for science. So the guy in the taxi, who wasn't drunk scraped up his friend and took him home. There were people laughing at this whole bum that got his reward.
So all in all the world still rolls on down here. We have to baptisms coming up and they are for Emma and Clara. They are getting really prepared and are all excited for their big days. Well that is all that news that is worth having in these weeks chronicles, oh and don't worry mom, I am never in any danger. Ready Alma chapters 17-27 and you will see that like this example here in these chapters I am good and safe in the same mission that they were in. Well I loves most of you guys, it's now your job to fight over those slots of who is love and who isn't. Yes these are tryouts...oh but if you are from New Jersey you automatically lose. Well see ya next week,
Mike
November 4, 2013
The Jungle Report, Ed 4 de Noviembre
So let's get on to the jungle report shall we. So this week was pretty fun at least. My companion and I got into a ton of fun and that is always great for us. And today we went adventuring again and ended up finding a bunch of cool stuff in town and then played tricks on all the gringos that are here for the Ruinas. Yeah way too much fun. We call it gringo watching. cause they are so easy to pick out and then you just watch them and good times always ensue.
So now that I have our game out so everyone can laugh and realize that we live up every day it's time to talk about other cool stuff. So this week was Halloween, which they celebrate here two days after we do. Yeah that is on the 2nd of November not even October. But they get way involved and all hang out in the graveyard all ALL day! They decorate the graves and then it gets really crazy and they like eat with the dead and have all this time to just get really creepy with all their dead. Strange Catrachos. But hey whatever floats their boats I guess.
So yeah we got some really crazy pics of that. And that day the first time we headed out of the house we ran right smackdab into a funeral. Once again really strange. As in when the casket is in the back of an el Camino and they have a clown and a guy playing the accordion you KNOW it is going to be a good funeral. Man now all my favorite instrument, the accordion, has been ruined. I can never listen to my polka music ever again without thinking of funerals. Oh the humanity! Hahahahaha. Yes I think I am pretty funny.
Well after that we have been teaching and trying to progress our investi"gators" towards baptism. One has been really good and been progressing really well and that is about all that has been happening as in we have been baptizing the rest of our stinking gators so we just need to get more.
Yes there was a time of sickness here or me companion and I but we got over it. It was mostly brought on by some bad baleadas. We got over it really fast. And this experience taught me that I should never trust the "nurse" missionary here. She basically told us to drink water and change our socks. I was like well I could have told myself that. Gosh dangit! Never trust a "nurse" missionary. They are pretty bad here as it turns out. Well don't worry we are taking care of ourselves and are now all back up to fully operational and ready to get back in the jungle and hack it up.
Well that is about all that there is to report for this week. It was a crazy week where we were able to see that it can in fact get crazier down here. Who would have thought?
Mike
So now that I have our game out so everyone can laugh and realize that we live up every day it's time to talk about other cool stuff. So this week was Halloween, which they celebrate here two days after we do. Yeah that is on the 2nd of November not even October. But they get way involved and all hang out in the graveyard all ALL day! They decorate the graves and then it gets really crazy and they like eat with the dead and have all this time to just get really creepy with all their dead. Strange Catrachos. But hey whatever floats their boats I guess.
So yeah we got some really crazy pics of that. And that day the first time we headed out of the house we ran right smackdab into a funeral. Once again really strange. As in when the casket is in the back of an el Camino and they have a clown and a guy playing the accordion you KNOW it is going to be a good funeral. Man now all my favorite instrument, the accordion, has been ruined. I can never listen to my polka music ever again without thinking of funerals. Oh the humanity! Hahahahaha. Yes I think I am pretty funny.
Well after that we have been teaching and trying to progress our investi"gators" towards baptism. One has been really good and been progressing really well and that is about all that has been happening as in we have been baptizing the rest of our stinking gators so we just need to get more.
Yes there was a time of sickness here or me companion and I but we got over it. It was mostly brought on by some bad baleadas. We got over it really fast. And this experience taught me that I should never trust the "nurse" missionary here. She basically told us to drink water and change our socks. I was like well I could have told myself that. Gosh dangit! Never trust a "nurse" missionary. They are pretty bad here as it turns out. Well don't worry we are taking care of ourselves and are now all back up to fully operational and ready to get back in the jungle and hack it up.
Well that is about all that there is to report for this week. It was a crazy week where we were able to see that it can in fact get crazier down here. Who would have thought?
Mike
October 28, 2013
The Jungle Report, Ed 28 Oct 2013
So hello everybody! So this week's report, so the family we have been working on the whole time I have been here, Miguel and Bertha got baptized yesterday. That is an awesome thing right there! They had been such a pain in the butt, but we finally dunked 'em so looks like we won. Other news I have officially decided the little kids are of the devil. Every single time without fail that we are having a spiritual moment some stupid kid starts crying or runs through without pants on, I just wish I could beat them all. But I will just take it one day at a time.
So another cool thing from yesterday is at the baptism an investigator approached us and literally said "Quiero ser bautizados" which for you non Spanish speakers means the fish just jumped into the boat for us. Which is always fun. Hahahahahahaha! So let's what else...
Oh I had a fever of 103.6 yesterday that finally broke right now as I am talking to you guys. Don't worry, I am taking care of myself, but sometimes you get caught off guard. Let's see what else...uh looks like I will getting a new companion in this next change, hopefully he doesn't have mood swings like this one. Let's see what else, there hasn't really been a whole lot happen this week. I mean we worked every day and the we had a baptism.
So it's good to hear that Navy lost (Sprint football). That is how it should be. Other than that just make sure to keep me update with any and all football news. It sucks so bad to not have any of it here. A whole lot. They think soccer is so cool, not at all. It is painful to watch all the fakers and floppers. It's almost as bad as the NBA.
In other news, hmmm, yeah not a whole lot actually. I mean we have been working every day and trying to spread the word but it is really hard to get people to read the Book of Mormon or the Bible when they can't read. And so they just listen to exactly what their pastor tells them without even knowing how to check and see if their pastor is full of it. And here there are so many different churches that it is ridiculous. Just about every single person has their own church. As in this town there are...about a hundred churches and they all have a different version of the Bible. It's so frustrating actually. But I will survive. Just have to find a way to get through these people's thick heads.
Well this is my report for the week, I will work on having a cooler one next week.
Mike
So another cool thing from yesterday is at the baptism an investigator approached us and literally said "Quiero ser bautizados" which for you non Spanish speakers means the fish just jumped into the boat for us. Which is always fun. Hahahahahahaha! So let's what else...
Oh I had a fever of 103.6 yesterday that finally broke right now as I am talking to you guys. Don't worry, I am taking care of myself, but sometimes you get caught off guard. Let's see what else...uh looks like I will getting a new companion in this next change, hopefully he doesn't have mood swings like this one. Let's see what else, there hasn't really been a whole lot happen this week. I mean we worked every day and the we had a baptism.
So it's good to hear that Navy lost (Sprint football). That is how it should be. Other than that just make sure to keep me update with any and all football news. It sucks so bad to not have any of it here. A whole lot. They think soccer is so cool, not at all. It is painful to watch all the fakers and floppers. It's almost as bad as the NBA.
In other news, hmmm, yeah not a whole lot actually. I mean we have been working every day and trying to spread the word but it is really hard to get people to read the Book of Mormon or the Bible when they can't read. And so they just listen to exactly what their pastor tells them without even knowing how to check and see if their pastor is full of it. And here there are so many different churches that it is ridiculous. Just about every single person has their own church. As in this town there are...about a hundred churches and they all have a different version of the Bible. It's so frustrating actually. But I will survive. Just have to find a way to get through these people's thick heads.
Well this is my report for the week, I will work on having a cooler one next week.
Mike
October 21, 2013
The Jungle Report, Ed 21 OCT 2013
So this week in the jungle. Not going to lie this week went by so stinking fast. It only seems like yesterday that I was writing you folks. So the news of this last week. So we have been pushing the limits of our searching expeditions into the jungle more. Before the limits were a thirty minute hike into the mountains so now we have increased it into a whopping hour hiking and at times hacking to the jungle north of the town. Yes turns out there are people who live there. Crazy as it seems they do live in the hidden mountain valleys and now a crazed gringo with his whiny Mexican senior companion hike into their villages and teach them about coming to church. It has to be the funniest thing in the world to see I am sure. So a gringo is dragging (literally) a Mexican up these mountains and then comes to their house and both of them are dripping sweat and teach about the good word. So in other words it's been tons of adventure times up here in las ruinas.
In other news, no my companion didn't go home. Our mission president, fondly called Pappy Dester, showed up and we had interviews which everything went fine until it was turn for my compa. Pappy Dester delivered the "machete" but with love. Which means basically told him what's up if he leaves. So now he is set on being here but he still whines about everything. And talks nonstop about Mexico. So this week I finally gave him the what for about Mexico. He understands enough English that this was easy enough to explain. I said that yeah Mexico is better than Honduras, but that is like saying a horse turd is better than a cow pie, in the end they are sill both crap. Yeah and it did help that the only reason that Mexico is in the world cup is solely because America just beat Panama up so much that they dropped below Mexico. So now that my companion is in check we will get back to tearing up the jungle.
In other news, we have been progressing with all of our gators and have been bringing more in. And yesterday was the greatest Sunday yet. So the parents in the branch here suck to say the least. As in the kids run wild and destroy everything including the spirit of the meetings. So yesterday I was the official police of the branch and it was a tight ship. Not a single kid escaped primary to interrupt Sunday School. One tried, Marito the son of the branch president, whom i grabbed and was dragging back into the juala when he kicked me in the shin and so I just brained the little turd and delivered him back to the primary crying. Now they know that there are two ways for them, both involve being in primary and only one involves not getting hit in the head. So hopefully this makes all the disaster relief clean up after church less so we can go teach more and don't have to have hellions running around all the time.
The only other news is that I am progressing with Spanish and can now deliver the machete of amor to our menos activos who we teach now and get them coming back to church more. Thanks for all the emails and love. I will hear from you all next week. Keep fighting the good fight.
Mike
In other news, no my companion didn't go home. Our mission president, fondly called Pappy Dester, showed up and we had interviews which everything went fine until it was turn for my compa. Pappy Dester delivered the "machete" but with love. Which means basically told him what's up if he leaves. So now he is set on being here but he still whines about everything. And talks nonstop about Mexico. So this week I finally gave him the what for about Mexico. He understands enough English that this was easy enough to explain. I said that yeah Mexico is better than Honduras, but that is like saying a horse turd is better than a cow pie, in the end they are sill both crap. Yeah and it did help that the only reason that Mexico is in the world cup is solely because America just beat Panama up so much that they dropped below Mexico. So now that my companion is in check we will get back to tearing up the jungle.
In other news, we have been progressing with all of our gators and have been bringing more in. And yesterday was the greatest Sunday yet. So the parents in the branch here suck to say the least. As in the kids run wild and destroy everything including the spirit of the meetings. So yesterday I was the official police of the branch and it was a tight ship. Not a single kid escaped primary to interrupt Sunday School. One tried, Marito the son of the branch president, whom i grabbed and was dragging back into the juala when he kicked me in the shin and so I just brained the little turd and delivered him back to the primary crying. Now they know that there are two ways for them, both involve being in primary and only one involves not getting hit in the head. So hopefully this makes all the disaster relief clean up after church less so we can go teach more and don't have to have hellions running around all the time.
The only other news is that I am progressing with Spanish and can now deliver the machete of amor to our menos activos who we teach now and get them coming back to church more. Thanks for all the emails and love. I will hear from you all next week. Keep fighting the good fight.
Mike
October 15, 2013
October 14, 2013
The Jungle Report; 14 Oct 2013
So for this week's adventure...well it has involved a lot of hiking, a lot of sweat, and a whole lot of rain.
Thanks for that intro, anyway so today marks the end of one really strange week. So in news we dunked another jungle dweller this week. her name is Yoselin Lopez and she is 14 and a geiper (pronounced geeper) which means that she has a crush on a missionary, can you guess which one? Yeah kinda strange, anywho, well she got dunked in a pila which is basically a giant water trough that we use to clean our clothes. Yeah but it was still awesome. So chalk up number two!
The work here is progressing and we are working hard. Well most of us. So the bad news my companion is being a butt and not wanting to work so I have to drag him around pretty much everywhere. The thing is he is a perfectionist and so when anything goes wrong, which it does every single time that we do anything, he freaks out. The reason for this episode is because the baptism didn't go exactly according to plan and stuff so he just sat down and did nothing while I worked like a mad man and solved our problems.
So tomorrow we are going to have interviews with out president of the mission, fondly called "Pappy Dester" and my companion is all set on asking to go home so maybe next email I will have a new playmate here in the jungle. So after the baptism we had a few lessons and then we confirmed Yoselin on Sunday and she ended up just having so much fun, but the bad news is her mom, who is a member, doesn't even support her and so the thing now is trying to get a family in the branch here to "adopt" her and take care of her and make sure that she has a support group.
So other crazy news we gave a blessing to a guy who got chopped up with a machete and he is healing remarkably well and then on Sunday after church we were asked to go give a blessing to a lady who we thought was asking for a blessing for health but as it turns out she was wanting comfort and didn't figure out why until we go to the house, literally 40 minutes of hiking through the jungle later. So we got to the house and this is when things started adding up that something was really wrong. So this house is literally on top of a mountain with no other houses even close to it yet there were about 30 or so people around the place and then when we walked in we saw that it was a funeral for a little baby of like a day old and so our whole day was spent comforting this new mother and teaching about the Plan of Salvation.
Well it was sad but at the end it was better with her. She was feeling a whole lot better. Well that is about all the news for this edition of the jungle report.
In other news, I still haven't had sight nor sound of any birthday packages and have only received letters, three (3). Just so you know. Well loves ya all,
Mike
Thanks for that intro, anyway so today marks the end of one really strange week. So in news we dunked another jungle dweller this week. her name is Yoselin Lopez and she is 14 and a geiper (pronounced geeper) which means that she has a crush on a missionary, can you guess which one? Yeah kinda strange, anywho, well she got dunked in a pila which is basically a giant water trough that we use to clean our clothes. Yeah but it was still awesome. So chalk up number two!
The work here is progressing and we are working hard. Well most of us. So the bad news my companion is being a butt and not wanting to work so I have to drag him around pretty much everywhere. The thing is he is a perfectionist and so when anything goes wrong, which it does every single time that we do anything, he freaks out. The reason for this episode is because the baptism didn't go exactly according to plan and stuff so he just sat down and did nothing while I worked like a mad man and solved our problems.
So tomorrow we are going to have interviews with out president of the mission, fondly called "Pappy Dester" and my companion is all set on asking to go home so maybe next email I will have a new playmate here in the jungle. So after the baptism we had a few lessons and then we confirmed Yoselin on Sunday and she ended up just having so much fun, but the bad news is her mom, who is a member, doesn't even support her and so the thing now is trying to get a family in the branch here to "adopt" her and take care of her and make sure that she has a support group.
So other crazy news we gave a blessing to a guy who got chopped up with a machete and he is healing remarkably well and then on Sunday after church we were asked to go give a blessing to a lady who we thought was asking for a blessing for health but as it turns out she was wanting comfort and didn't figure out why until we go to the house, literally 40 minutes of hiking through the jungle later. So we got to the house and this is when things started adding up that something was really wrong. So this house is literally on top of a mountain with no other houses even close to it yet there were about 30 or so people around the place and then when we walked in we saw that it was a funeral for a little baby of like a day old and so our whole day was spent comforting this new mother and teaching about the Plan of Salvation.
Well it was sad but at the end it was better with her. She was feeling a whole lot better. Well that is about all the news for this edition of the jungle report.
In other news, I still haven't had sight nor sound of any birthday packages and have only received letters, three (3). Just so you know. Well loves ya all,
Mike
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