November 26, 2013

The Jungle Report, Ed 26 Nov 2013

Well as you have all probably figured out I am still alive so yay! Even though I know that some of you probably bet against me (I know who you were and I will hunt you down and get my vengeance when you least expect it). In other good news the extreme socialist Libre party didn't win the elections and this is a really good thing. The new president is Juan Orlando and we will have to see how good of a job he does otherwise there might be a lot of civil unrest.
In other news you would not believe how boring it gets being trapped in a house without any other human contact aside from my companion you really get bored really fast and then you find out a whole heck of a lot about the other person. A LOT about the other person. Then you just stare at a wall for about an hour. Then take a nap and wake up and realize that that only burned about twenty minutes. Then you build a fireplace and have a fire and roast marshmallows and sweat a whole heck of a lot because you have a fire in a tropical environment. yeah kinda sucks but tasted pretty good.
And then we had that whole hour of just sitting silently and staring into the fire and just poking it with a stick...aka a total male bonding experience. Yeah we grew close as a companionship. Then we deep cleaned everything in the house and even cloroxed everything in there and killed every living creepy crawly that was in the house. And after we did everything that we could think of it was then that we realized that it was only 2 in the afternoon of the first day of a three day imprisonment in the house.
Let's just say that we were so stinking bored it wasn't even funny. I don't even have any cool stories other than that we ound out that if you are really bored and can't leave the house that time drags on FOREVER!!! Well it is good to know that I finally have decided that if I was to be a world class criminal that I would have to be good at it so I never have to go to jail because I would be horribly bored in prison. Well that is really all that happened this week. Sorry it is so boring, but now you know how I felt in the house for three days. I loves you all,



Well here you peeps go. Enjoy

November 18, 2013

The Jungle Report, Ed 18 Nov 2013

To all my adoring fans out there. So the big news of this last week is that we had changes. My first companion Elder Vermont, as some may know as the guy I complain about as sucking for this last weeks, was changed out and put in I don't know where because I was only trying to listen to who would be my new companion. Well the good news is that I still have the streak going and I am 2-0 with companions that aren't from Utah.
Yeah so my new companion is named Elder Degriselles from California and this will be his death in his mission. as in he will be going home after this area. He heads home in...February and I will be the one to kill in make sure he doesn't get baggy and not work hard until he goes home. Yeah turns out Pappy Dester (President Dester) thinks I am one of the hardest working missionaries in his empire and here I was thinking that I was just trying to have an adventure every single day.
Now my companion isn't a planchero or anything it's just he knows a lot and we have been working hard to progress this area. I am excited cause we are just tearing up the lessons now. So we should be having a whole new wave of success. So this up coming week we have two more baptisms this Friday.
So in other news this week is elections and so we have been mandated by our leaders that we will not be leaving the house for three days, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday so you will be getting the report for the next week late by one day.
This is security for us since last elections there were huge riots and the whole country had like a civil war for a week. Yeah turns out politics can get crazier than in the states. So the party that we are hoping not to get voted into office is the Libre partido, aka the extreme socialist who their candidate for president has been making promises that make her sound like a certain other socialist candidate in 1930's Germany only she doesn't have a mustache but the jury is still out on that one.
Don't worry about us we have a certain Big Man Upstairs looking out for us so we are all good. Well the only other news we are going to have dinner with some gringos from Utah that are rich and down here for the week and they are buying us all we can eat pizza so that should be really fun tonight.
Well yeah haven't really punched anyone else this week but no promises. Well love you all and can't wait to have word from you guys. Love you all and "will catch you on the flipside" (movie reference intended)


November 11, 2013

The Jungle Report, Ed 11 Nov

So this week in the Jungle of Honduras, well it began kinda crappy and I was feeling kinda down in the dumps. But eh enough of that. We worked none the less and fought hard and are progressing the work here in Honduras. So this week the great news is that we are having a baptismal font being built in our little church house here. That is so stinking much I can't even explain. The amount of hassle and heartache when it comes to baptisms just died, and there was much rejoicing.
So while that has been going on I am once again reminded of how lazy the men are here. So the crew working on the ont have needed one guy to work all this week and help them and the church would pay them in 4 or 5 times more than they make in the same time. And my companion and I are always hounded by people (members too) for money. So this week we gave the opportunity to these guys in the branch who are currently unemployed to work and none...NONE of them wanted to work. They just keep bugging us for money because that is way easier. So we have been trying all week to find someone who needs money to come and do some work and get money. Who would have thought it would be hard to get someone to come earn a heck of a lot more money than they would get normally? Well we still have yet to solve that mystery but will work out maybe.
So we have also been teaching this little kid Alejandro who is 8. He is going to count for a baptism for the branch cause his family are members. But this whole week we have been trying to teach him two principles, the law of tithing and the law of chastity. But he thinks he is really runny and so this week has been less fun than taking a cheese grater to my eyeball. A full week where every day we are only trying to get him to remember that it is 10% of your increase and the other is to remain sexually pure. Those two sentences.
Well Saturday I had finally had enough and it was time for the good ole good cop, bad cop routine. Well I played the bad cop who was chewing him out and was "angry" with  him for being stupid about this. It was a rather easy role to play since the character's feelings in this scene reflected my own. Well I started to chew him out and ended up putting a curse on him. Yeah, straight up botched that one. He just started bawling but then after he actually has been very grown up and is learning like a champ now. But yeah that was pretty great to find out afterwards why my companion's face was priceless and his mouth was open with the widest eyes I have ever seen. Yeah well every day is an adventure right?
Well after that on Sunday I got grazed by a moto taxi. Turns out the guy was drunk and got out to chew me out for him hitting me on the sidewalk. Well my sleeve of my shirt was all ripped and I have some scratches on that arm but this hombre got out and after trying to calm him down for him hitting me he tried to throw a punch so sloppy and slow that it was funny but that punch was easily absorbed and a faster, more accurate punch from a bigger fist was applied post haste and resulted that from a student of the sciences standpoint, once again Newton's and others' theories of physics were proven valid once again. That for every action there is an opposite reaction and that when the mass of a large object with high velocity collides with a smaller, more drunk object the force that is applied to the small object is extreme and has dramatic effects. The law of gravity was also proven valid in this incident as was the study of anatomy proved very useful.
When the human nose receives a brutal blow blood tends to flow at high velocity out of the said damaged nose. So yes for all you science bums out there Sunday was a good day for science. So the guy in the taxi, who wasn't drunk scraped up his friend and took him home. There were people laughing at this whole bum that got his reward.
So all in all the world still rolls on down here. We have to baptisms coming up and they are for Emma and Clara. They are getting really prepared and are all excited for their big days. Well that is all that news that is worth having in these weeks chronicles, oh and don't worry mom, I am never in any danger. Ready Alma chapters 17-27 and you will see that like this example here in these chapters I am good and safe in the same mission that they were in. Well I loves most of you guys, it's now your job to fight over those slots of who is love and who isn't. Yes these are tryouts...oh but if you are from New Jersey you automatically lose. Well see ya next week,


November 4, 2013

The Jungle Report, Ed 4 de Noviembre

So let's get on to the jungle report shall we. So this week was pretty fun at least. My companion and I got into a ton of fun and that is always great for us. And today we went adventuring again and ended up finding a bunch of cool stuff in town and then played tricks on all the gringos that are here for the Ruinas. Yeah way too much fun. We call it gringo watching. cause they are so easy to pick out and then you just watch them and good times always ensue.
So now that I have our game out so everyone can laugh and realize that we live up every day it's time to talk about other cool stuff. So this week was Halloween, which they celebrate here two days after we do. Yeah that is on the 2nd of November not even October. But they get way involved and all hang out in the graveyard all ALL day! They decorate the graves and then it gets really crazy and they like eat with the dead and have all this time to just get really creepy with all their dead. Strange Catrachos. But hey whatever floats their boats I guess.
So yeah we got some really crazy pics of that. And that day the first time we headed out of the house we ran right smackdab into a funeral. Once again really strange. As in when the casket is in the back of an el Camino and they have a clown and a guy playing the accordion you KNOW it is going to be a good funeral. Man now all my favorite instrument, the accordion, has been ruined. I can never listen to my polka music ever again without thinking of funerals. Oh the humanity! Hahahahaha. Yes I think I am pretty funny.
Well after that we have been teaching and trying to progress our investi"gators" towards baptism. One has been really good and been progressing really well and that is about all that has been happening as in we have been baptizing the rest of our stinking gators so we just need to get more.
Yes there was a time of sickness here or me companion and I but we got over it. It was mostly brought on by some bad baleadas. We got over it really fast. And this experience taught me that I should never trust the "nurse" missionary here. She basically told us to drink water and change our socks. I was like well I could have told myself that. Gosh dangit! Never trust a "nurse" missionary. They are pretty bad here as it turns out. Well don't worry we are taking care of ourselves and are now all back up to fully operational and ready to get back in the jungle and hack it up.
Well that is about all that there is to report for this week. It was a crazy week where we were able to see that it can in fact get crazier down here. Who would have thought?