February 24, 2014

The Ghetto Report, Ed 24 Feb 2014

Well let's just say that this week went really fast and really crazy fun. But I will build up the drama and suspense by getting to the cool stuff at the very end of this very lengthy email...Mwwahahahaha! Okay so so all you people know this week was actually really hard but one of the most fun weeks I have had here in Honduras. It ended up being the most fun due to one thing. Now this is the Gospel of Mike so take it with a grain of salt. this week was super great, even though we had tons of challenges and problems and horrible things happen, for one reason...we made it fun. I really enjoyed this whole week because it helped reaffirm just what this Gospel can do for every single person, rain or snow or even sunshine, the Gospel is one of joy.
Any way this week started off with my companion really sucking a whole lot and was just always thinking of home and really needing to just be dragged out every day to teach. Then on Thursday we went to San Pedro and he had an interview with Pres. "Pappy" Dester and now he is just on fire and happy and doing just amazing.
So this week all of our investigators and the ward here as a whole have been having just tons of problems and tons of crazy stuff just happening. The whole Hatfields and McCoys feud is still happening and it is just kinda funny to just watch how stupid these people are that they won't sit down and talk about it for five seconds, no they just want to fight it out. It really would be like five seconds tops of talking for them to figure out what the problem is. Well that is what you get when you have a whole bunch of huge families that are all uneducated fighting.
Then the aunts and uncles get involved and then before you know it the whole town is fighting. No really like everyone here are related, kinda shady if you ask me. For example the other day we were working on teaching this couple and they wanted to get baptized but first is was necessary to be married first to stop living in fornication. Well as we got their paperwork from the government to go on with the marriage turns out they are cousins...yeah...break out the banjos on that one boys.
Well that isn't the craziest thing that has happened this week. So we were in one of our areas named Naco (which actually means a guy who is completely useless and uneducated and super stupid...can you believe that it is a poor neighborhood) oh on that note here in Honduras they name everything very bluntly. For example the little town named Aquas Negras (Black Waters) is named that because that is where all the nasty sewage runs into a river. Very direct with the naming of things.
Well we were teaching every day in Naco this week, but the last bus to get back to Cofradia leaves at 6:00 pm but that is like the best time to teach out there. So we were going to get a ride back into town from the bishop at 8:00 but as were were sitting there and it was like 8:45 we assumed that he forgot about us. So we started walking back to town. By the way it is a very long walk, don't have cars or bikes like you loser missionaries stateside...cause those get robbed.
Anywho so after walking for about fifteen minutes we were walking past the military post here, La Trecer Batalla de Infenteria (Third Infantry Battalion) Well this really nice truck pulled out of the post and the guy yelled at us in a commanding voice to get in. So we were like "Sweet! Free ride!" and right as I open the door to the truck he has a silenced pistol in his lap. Talk about a strange car ride. But turns out he is the commandant of the battalion, Colonel...I can't remember his name. He is super inactive though but we have a dinner appointment with him and his wife this Friday. Talk about the Lord working in strange ways.
So in other news right after that it just started down pouring and we ended up walking out in this rain storm. It was raining so hard that the sewers all overflowed and we were walking for like twenty minutes soaked and almost knee deep in a river of sewage. Yeah, master Yoda was pretty pissed about that one. But hey...journal entry. Then we just talk the rest of the week and ended up having such fun days.
I chopped an entire acre of weeds with a machete in the blazing sun and then got back to the house realizing that the keys were in my pants inside the house. Then we had to break into the house. Super fun. Then we were in a talent show for the ward and took the best in show award for our coordinated song and dance "Sweet Home Alabama" accompanied on the guitar by Elder Lindsay.
Yeah so this week all around was just amazing. Now to get the list of things I could use, I will take any and all ties that can be sent. When we baptize guys here we give them shirts and ties so that they can come to church good looking but ties here are like gold so that would help a ton if you could raid the local second hand stores and send as many ties as you can. Well that is all I have for this week.
Just living it up in the sun and having fun every day. Love you guys. Well see ya next week,


February 17, 2014

The Ghetto Report, Ed 17 Fed 2014

Well sorry if that last email was totally blank...I suck at this whole convert from English and then type on a Spanish keyboard. But I will progress with it. So this week was really fast now that I think about it. But hey it sure was an interesting one.
Let's just say that the Hatfield and McCoy spirit hasn't died off yet, in the sense that there has begun a war here in Cofradia that I am now referring to as "La Guerra de los Pajaros y los Leones" and it is just funny to see that i people would sit back and think of how it started then there wouldn't be this war. So this one started over a "he said she said" moment and now has become everyone drawing sides. It hasn't yet broken out into the whole killing people part yet, hopefully it doesn't get that far but it is the uneasy calm before the storm right now.
Other than that the work is progressing here in the ghetto and along with it answers to prayers. So our area is really huge here. We have been praying for more missionaries so that we can just rush ahead the work while it is on fire but we just need more help. So with that as our prayer we are now going to get our area divided and they are adding in more missionaries into Naco. With this added strength here we will have almost enough for the whole city of Cofradia to have a stake of its own. That will be HUGE for the members here who have been working for nearly thirty years to have their city grow with the church.
Well we didn't have any baptisms this last week but we have two lined up for this Saturday, Elia and Doris. They are getting really stoked for their baptisms. We just need to help them understand a wee little bit more before they get dunked.
Well that seems to be about all that is happening. Not really any cool stories but there are a lot of things developing that will help us along the road. Well loves you all and can't wait to hear from you all this next week.


February 10, 2014

The Ghetto Report, Ed 10 Feb 2014

Well ladies and gents, as you can guess from the title, I am still in Cofradia for the time being. Well let's get right into the whole report shall we. So this week has been just kind of raro. Well we started on on the mission of killing off really baggy elders and sending them home. As in Elder Lindsay's comp was finishing his mission and was a complete waste of flesh for his last two...changes. Yes changes! But now we have a lively and animated new face living in the house. His name is Elder Ramirez and he and Elder Lindsay are now getting back to the good work.
After on Thursday was a birthday party for a girl named Paola who is now able to walk after a year and a half of being bedridden from an accident falling out of a truck. So the story con Paola is that she got thrown out of the back of a truck on the highway and her got broken. As in imagine a banana when you peel it, that's what happened with her muscles of her leg. Then she got an infection in the bone. So that sounds really bad huh? Now add in the x factor...bad medical practices of Honduras. Normally a death sentence but she is a miracle and a huge strength to the ward here.
Oh that day I ended up punching a hole in a mango tree. Yeah I didn't think I punched it that hard but after it ended up having like a really big hole in it. Yeah it was all pretty great, crappy cake and then one thing led to another and now there is a hole in a mango tree.
Then fast forward to Saturday and we had three baptisms for Kenya, David, and Cinthia. They are all pretty stoked to be in the church now. Of course the final day of the baptism is always when Satan is fighting hardest to try and keep them from progressing. This day was no exception to that rule.
So everything was fine and the day started just great...and then I woke up and the day went downhill from there. So this will be the last time that I trust a Latin with any and all final plans for anything important ever again. So though I asked at least a thousand bazzillion times and was assured everytime that we had a ride to bring the people to the chapel for their baptism as turns out we go to get the car and driver that was my comp's plan and then to my utter horror I hear my comp ask "Hey Carlos, can you pick up the people from Naco to being them to the church for their baptism?" Yeah ...it was the first time asking him.
Needless to say that the answer was "No. I am working right now." Yeah talk about utter sucking. We were living it. I wish that Honduras could figure two things out, #1 logistics, things just don't happen without a little bit of planning before, and #2 economics. If the neighbor opens up a store and it is doing well you SHOULD NOT open up the same type of store right next door.
Well so after frantic calling and visiting and asking everyone in the ward who has a car if they can pick up the peeps (a total of 7 people have cars) turns out we were up the creek without a boat, we had the paddles though. Namely my license to operate a vehicle in the United States of America. So then I heard the words come from Carlos "Hey you guys can just use my truck."
My heart sank. To call this screaming metal death trap a car, LET ALONE a truck is the biggest lie I have ever heard...EVER! It is a Toyota baby toddler toy that runs on gas. But it is stick shift and my comp doesn't know how to drive stick. So it was up to me to save the day. Now I will have to ask my mother to refrain from looking up YouTube videos of Honduran driving in order to save herself worrying and grey hairs. But let's just say that we survived and accomplished to arrive in Naco unscathed, though some pants were in need of changing.
Well after a one legged woman, a fat lady, fifteen little kids, a security guard, and two pre teens piled into the back of the truck we were off again. Well we got to the church and they are now all happy members of the church here in Cofradia. Well that is my story for this episode folks. Just try and remember to have an adventure every day. Until I hear from you again,


February 3, 2014

The Ghetto Report, Ed 3 Feb 2014

Well where should we begin... So this last week was really fast just like every other week before. So we have been working a whole ton this week just helping the work here progress and that has been meaning a whole lot of service. So this week has included cutting up a whole heck of a ton of wood with a machete and a really crappy ax. There was a ton of getting our hands all cut up by the hand made wood handles for the tools. But we will live don't worry.
Other than that let's see this week we have been really just working every day and having as much fun as we can. We had a game of soccer and turns out I apparently am "sin miedo" because I just run in front of every ball that is kicked and basically attacking everyone. Well the sad news (saw it coming) is that the NFL is a joke now from all my reports from the homeland. Good thing we still have college or else it would be a waste of everything that AMERICA stands for.
So down here in the jungle the temps are getting really hot again...YEAH FOR SWEATY ELDERS! Well other than that we have changes this Wednesday so we will see if I am still here in Cofradia or what exactly happens. The word on the street is I will still be here but there have been stranger things to happen before. Well that is about all for this week in the life of a jungle missionary. Until the next adventure,