March 24, 2014

The Ghetto Report, Ed 24 Mar 2014

Well let's just get right into it shall we? So I am now a father. Yeah but not in that sense...I am now training. His name is Elder Hernandez from Colombia. Yeah it is pretty crazy. And on top of that I am opening an area that we didn't have missionaries in before, Naco. Yeah so it has been a crazy week. I never wanted to have to deal with this crap. I just wanted to teach and bring people to the Truth but now I have to teach a missionary how to do his it is now that I realized more that my Spanish is pure Honduran as in my comp has a hard time understanding me with his not ghetto/backwoods hillbilly talk. Everyone else here understands me perfectly. Hahahaha! It is just funny how things work around here. Never with the plan.
Also, so we have a new house here and everything and it had some problems. So first we had to hunt down potable water, the five gallon jugs and everything. Only they don't sell the jugs. You are supposed to just magically have them. So after two days without water we finally found and solved that problem. Then we had to solve something else...something crazier.
This story shall be known as The Battle of the Roach. As in our house had an infestation of cockroaches. As in our nightly ritual for the first two days was to kill roaches for at least 15 minutes. Armed with a machete and a shoe. We would kill about twenty or so a night. Until we called in support, yeah we waged chemical war against them. So turns out we were matched up against a company six element of about a hundred and fifty cockroaches. We killed them all. It was a great day not going to lie. Now everything in the house is safe and we can now not have to worry about them anymore.
Yes, my new baby companion's first thing about Honduras was me screaming and attacking a bunch of cockroaches with a machete and shoe combo with my tie around the top of my head like Rambo for effect. Yeah it was a pretty great way to say "Welcome to the Mision San Pedro Sula Oeste."
Well those are the adventures for the week. We will get back to the adventures next week, right fan club?

Photo Dump

March 17, 2014

The Ghetto Report, Ed 17 Mar 2014

So let's get into it.
So changes are this Wednesday and looks like I will be having changes folks. But we will just have to see. So the events from this week.
THERE WAS A CIRCUS IN TOWN!!! Yeah we totally went to the circus today. Crazy fun with lions and tigers and bears oh my! No but really the circus was really fun and I was just sitting there enjoying it even though it was in Spanish.
Let's see what else. Oh the big news is that our eternal investigator, our cook Maura, got baptized. After working her here for close to four months and having the help of the years of missionaries before she finally got dunked. I have pictures but my camera died so I will have to send them some other time.
So we went out to the bishop's house this week too to help him with a "project" as he put it. Well first we hiked out to Naco to begin this whole adventure. Then after hiking another hour and ending up no longer in Naco but in an area of Santa Barbara we got to the bishop's house.
So he has a nice spread with a ton of braumer cattle. Oh and just so you know my comp has never ever worked with cows before so he was terrified to be near these cows. Well the project wasn't actually working with the was digging ditches. No really I was digging ditches for the day with him and his neighbors.
We dug three kilometers of ditch and laid tubes to get fresh water to his house so that he could have drinking water for the family without having to wait for it to rain. The sad part is that we worked all day and got a ton of progress and are still two more kilometers of ditch away from his house. And these last two kilometers are all up this huge hill. Talk about the suck.
So I can now say that all my years of child slave labor to Dad are paying off. I now have the knowledge to be a slave down here in Honduras only with crappier materials and less pay. Of course some of you are saying "but Mike, slaves don't get paid." And you are right. I have and never will be paid for my slave days. But you can cry for me later I guess. It is paying off right now cause now the bishop loves to help us the most.
So I still got to amaze all these catrachos here by being able to milk a cow. Yeah a gringo can milk a cow. It just blew their minds. This just goes to show that I can still amaze people even if you guys don't believe me.
So really that was about it for the week. We have just been working hard and trying to get the gators all ready for the changes coming up. Well I hope to hear from you all soon just remember that I love you all and am still trying to take over Honduras one person at a time.
Until next week,


March 10, 2014

Photos Part 3

Making a house out of mud

Barbaria Duff on P-days

Photos Part 2

Making chicharrones (pork rinds)

Helping to butcher a cow


This was our baptism this last weekend with Karla

This was us eating iguana lasagna afterward to celebrate

The Ghetto Report, Ed 10 Mar 2014

Well this week in the world I live...where to begin. No my comp hasn't died...yet. He has an interview with Pappy Dester during the next change meeting which is in nine days. But it has been just a little rough with him since after my Scooby Doo escapades he now has that whole "dude what the crap, why would you turn me in" look and I have to watch him like a hawk with every single thing. But at least one of us will survive to the next change. The evens (cause odds is a negative term so I am now referring to the odds as the evens) are highly in my favor on this one. But that is enough of that one for sure, on to the more fun news...
We had another baptism! Her name is Karla Santos and she is just a total stud and now is a happy little member in the church. Our next target, our cook Maura! She is going to be baptized this next week right before the change happens which will be awesome!
So we have been working real hard to get Naco all set to be split off into its own area this next week which will mean that work has been going crazy fast. We have been just working so hard that we are just exhausted at the end of the day every single day. But hey "We didn't start the fire, it was always burning..." sorry for that random Billy Joel break but we have been just feeding this fire here to keep the work going.
We are working here to get the work progressing to the point that Naco will be its own branch and that will mean that we are just that one step closer to having Cofradia be its own stake here. Everyone is getting really stoked and wanting to work with us which is just a great thing to see. The work really is being pushed here and the results seem to just be starting. So it is good to hear that everything in the world here is actually just going great.
So in other news I guess I will just inform you on the daily life here in the mission. So we go and in the morning after studying we usually go and do service from chopping down trees to slaughtering animals to building houses and bridges across rivers. So that is a funny story...
So this little pueblito here is split by a river and so everyone has to either walk all the way around or wade through and get wet up to their chest. So we were teaching lessons and came across this really old dude who just happened to have supplies to build a suspension rope bridge across the river. Well seeing as how it was a REALLY hot day turns out that the locals think it is funny watching a gringo in a shirt and tied in the river building them a really crappy bridge but a bridge nonetheless.
Yeah well so after the whole bridge gets finished I had the honor of using the bridge first. And right when I get to the middle the bridge was holding so I thought to myself I will test the strength and thus started to jump up and down repeatedly. I know what you are all thinking "Oh this bridge gives out and he eats it while jumping up and down Laurel and Hardy style." Well you are all broke as soon as I stopped and yelled "I think it will hold." And I was quickly fully soaked.
In fact now that I think about it, all my adventures here as a missionary end up like a Laurel and Hardy movie. Just slap-stick comedy all the way around, just add Spanish. Well that is all I have to tell you guys today. I will see you next week adoring fan club.


Here is to the next 16 months of getting to tear it up down here in Honduras

March 3, 2014

The Ghetto Report, Ed 3 Mar 2014

Well folks let's just get to it shall we. So first the good news, one of our gators was just baptized. Elia del Carmen Garcia Rodriguez which is always just fun to see people progress and find out the joy that the Gospel has for them. Well that was all the good news. Now it is time for the not so good news.
So well turns out my companion has been up to his good ole game again. Yup being a total planch (or in English a person who is a horrible missionary). So this latest episode sounds really bad when you write it out and I tried to make it sound nice but I couldn't think of any different way to put it. So this time involves embezzling Church missionary funds and sending them through a personal account to the woman that he broke mission rules to have a relationship with in his last area. that I reread that sentence it really is pretty bad.
So I had been having my suspicions for a while now and so I finally pulled a Mysteries Inc. and Scooby and I ended up searching for clues and that is when we discovered his bank deposit pamphlet with all the evidence we needed. Then the time came to unmask the monster. So he was confronted about it and lied and lied and lied until he finally came out with the truth and then was completely baffled as to why I was angry and ashamed of him. So then after about 45 minutes of grilling him with both logic and biblical machetes and teachings of Christ and the apostles about the law of consecration he then told me that he doesn't want to be a missionary any more so now I have to deal with that.
Well that is all the cool news I have for you today. In other news well it is good to hear that home is getting pounded with water so I don't get rained on so much here. You guys have really needed that moisture and here not so much. Also it is awesome to hear about how the ward is still awesome and is willing to pitch in and help with the ties for converts down here. Cause down here the ties are like gold and people can't really buy them easily so that really helps a ton. As for you people who need my address if you want to contribute to the tie project it is as follows:

Elder Michael N. Duff, Jr.
Honduras San Pedro Sula West Mission
12 Calle Ave. Circunvalacion SO
Edificio Yude Canahuati
Nivel 3, Oficina 4
Sand Pedro Sula, Cortes

No, contrary to popular belief, you can send boxes, just make sure to put pictures of Jesus on it so that the mail system guys here feel guilty about opening it and stealing everything. Speaking of care packages, I just received one from Zeke Henderson, the stud from Georgia who is just a total man. If anyone is really wanting to send supplies to help lift spirits, items that could be used are lemonade juice mix packets of any time of lemonade. They don't drink it here really and I miss it dearly. Other than that thank you for the prayers and know that they mean a lot.
But it is time to get back to the work. Oh yeah and mom in answer to your last question of your email it is right now I am working in the Lord's vineyard and am not really worrying about that right now. I will inform you as to the status quo when and if it ever comes to mind. But thanks for the concern. Oh and this is an exact quote from Mom's email siblings so read it and weep HAHAHAHA!

"anyway, love you loads and lots, you're my favorite--always have been, always will be

Yes as in another note, mother is now the Executive Officer of the family, felicidades for your promotion Mother dearest. Well enough shenanagins so until next week I love you all...unless you fall into one of these two categories; 1) you haven't emailed me in a long time, or 2) you happen to be from "Dirty" Jersey (cough, cough, Jack Conway, Cough) well that is all. See yas later