The Ghetto Report, Ed 26 Mayo 2014

Well friends and family, it's really hot. Let's talk about that,

So this last week went by super fast. I mean I feel like I was just talking to you people. So the big changes from this week to the last week...it is hotter. Yeah hard to believe but it is true. It gets hotter every day and sooner in the day too. As in I am sweaty at 7:00 now! Yay! So with all this sweating and the fact that there is just dust everywhere our shirts end up more brown than white really quickly. How I imagine myself is looking like Indiana Jones from the Temple of Doom,



But then I realize I am just super sweaty and need to bathe.

Well my problems with my comp are still there mostly cause he thinks he knows better than me and just never listens even when I say, "Hey man I wouldn't eat that if I were you." Then the next two hours he is in the bathroom and complaining and I just say something about how he should listen to someone known as his trainer. But hey maybe it is a chance for me to develop more patience.

The work here is progressing, just super slowly, as in so slowly it hurts. But it is still progressing which is the best part. Our gators are starting to come to church and read and do the things that we have been telling them for so long that we have gotten hoarse in the throat from explaining so much. Speaking of horses, yesterday there was a horse race in Naco. Really crappy but still something that was completely out of the ordinary. So I will paint a picture for you. The dirt road next to our house was the track and there they were, the riders with their pygmy-like horses that are all skinny and look ill. Then they mount up and get ready. Then the starting pistol, that I am almost 100% positive they were just shooting real rounds cause blanks don't exist here, fires and they are off. It was slow and sat at how small these horses are and how much they need feed. But I still got to watch a horse race in Honduras. Check that off the bucket list, along with playing the Honduran lotto by accident (shout out to Time DeGrisselles).

So the other day we also had a fun time contacting in the street. So we decided to contact every single man that had a mustache or was smoking. And turns out that we now have a lot of families to work with. Well that is about all that has happened for this weeks adventures. Just living it up here in Naco. Can't wait to hear from you next week,

Mike

The Ghetto Report, Ed 19 Mayo 2014

Well family and loved ones and other associates,

So this week's adventures are filled with a whole new bucket of adventures. Starting first and foremost with the official indoctrination of the area of Naco as the land of "Nunca Jamas" or Neveraland. And as you can guess it the members of the ward that we are an extension of are now calling me Peter Pan. Long story short it has now stuck as the nickname of where we are. But that isn't the best of this week. So this long week has been horrible due to the amount of crap that I was in charge of. I now know that I will refuse every single calling higher than librarian in the Church cause it just is a giant pain in the butt. So this last week was the Week of the Family and we had activities at the church every single day which means that since I am Peter in charge of the Lost Boys I was running around all week trying to herd cats to go to all the activities and now I am officially tired and need a stiff long drink of root beer.

But enough of the crazy running around that I did this week. The them of this week was Monty Python and the Holy Grail. So on Friday we went and contacted a new family and this is when the nightmare began...RABBITS!!! Yes they have the dreaded rabbit. But this one rabbit isn't a normal rabbit...no he is out for blood. So first thing my companion does is mock the beast and say "Oh how cute!" Well the beast didn't like that as it seems because it attacked him and was biting his shoe. My companion, the dreaded battle hardened warrior that he is, quickly screamed like a little girl and fled for cover behind me. The killer rabbit then turned to do us both in when suddenly the little old lady came out and grabbed it and put it in a cage. But the rabbit was biting and attaching the bars and BENDING THE METAL!!! Yeah that thing really wanted to see us under. But the sad thing is that sometimes I laugh imagining the rabbit killing my small girl-like Colombian. That would seem a fitting death. But then that thought quickly ends and we get back to work.



But in other news the work moves on, slowly but we are still attacking it hard. Though for all of you to know it gets hotter every single day. I sweat so much it is sad. Speaking of which we need to go buy more water for the house. Yeah in a two day period my companion and I ended up drinking more than ten gallons of water so we need to go get more. Which means I will be carrying 9.999989 gallons of water and my comp will be helping with his half and then complain about the weight. Well that is all my adventures for this week. I hope you are all doing alright and staying safe. I am doing my best to do the same. Well I will hear from about six of you next week.

Mike

The Ghetto Report, Ed 12 Mayo 2014

Well friends, family, and those enemies that I keep close only waiting to finally destroy you (Jack).

In this week's report there isn't that much to report. Let's see...I talked to all the old folks back at home and they are just getting older and more folk-like. Then there was talking to all the crazy siblings that I have. It's good to hear that you all keep on keeping on back home.

As for life here, we are working hard with our gators here in Naco and it has been slow in bearing fruits but they are progressing. Just PAINFULLY slow. At times it drives me crazy. That is what I am figuring out that patience is what I need to develop cause that is what this area is helping me with an extraordinary amount of opportunities to work on it: the area without any help from members, the fact that my comp acts like a six year old girl...a six year old EMOTIONAL girl.

I can speak Spanish now but still doesn't mean that I want to talk feelings with a Latin.

Well other than that I am sorry that my time here is short but we have to get back to work so I will make sure to make it extra long this next week. Just make sure to have an adventure every single day.

I love you all,

Mike

The Ghetto Report, Ed 5 Mayo 2014

Well this week was just a strange yet awesome week. Let's just say that it involved a mariachi band of prostitutes, a drug lord at a soccer game, losing investigators because they are "going mojado" to the US and my personal favorite...the rain has come back to Honduras along with the "lluvia de peces." But enough of an introduction now on to the meat and potatoes of the email...

So this week was a great adventure out here in Naco, the area of the lost boys. No really that is what everyone calls Naco now thanks to one Elder in a ward council meeting when he started macheting all the leaders who don't ever help our little extension. So now we are the lost boys out in Neverland. Yeah it is really nice to live our here with Peter Pan and all the pirates. Well there are pirates at least so maybe it's not so far from the truth.

So first we have been working hard all this time out here and lots of that time is contacting the tons of references that we keep getting but as of yet that hasn't added to any huge boost in the numbers here in Naco. But on to the crazy stuff that always seems to happen in Honduras.

So first my companion and I were walking in the night coming back from an area when we ran into a street we have never taken before. So being the curious chap that I am I took the lead to discover where it lead to. And the really crazy thing is what we did find on this street. There was a mariachi band...of prostitutes. Yeah...tell me about it. Number one a female mariachi band is a rare enough thing. I mean I have only ever seen one now and on top of that they are prostitutes. Let's just say that strange things indeed are afoot at the Circle K at night Ted. (Thank you for the Bill and Ted's reference) Yeah I now will never be able to take a mariachi band serious ever again. Our reaction when they started talking to us was as follows:


And now we will not be taking that street at night.

Alright time for the other stories. So it was Wednesday night when we were coming back from a ward council meeting when we saw a soccer game in the high school field in Naco. It had a huge crowd to watch, mostly men, so we went in to talk to them all as good missionaries should. But let's just say that quicker than we entered we left for some unknown feeling we just left. And as you know it the Spirit strikes again because in that huge group of men was a leader of one of the cartels here and right as we left turns out the other cartel came by spraying bullets and killed him. Don't worry we got out fine and were kilometers away when it happened but it is always good to know that you got a big Someone on your side watching your back.

And now on to the weather. Man I sound old when I say that. SO this week it was pushing almost 110 everyday. It was just awful! Every single moment was spent sweating. Praying...sweating. Teaching...and sweating. Sleeping...sweating. Yeah much the same. But then the other day, miracle...the rains have returned! And with it a break in the blistering heat every single day.

So the first day it down poured and this being my companion's first encounter with the rains of Honduras asked in his strange sad little voice, "vamos a ir en este lluvia?" (Are we going to leave in this rain?) To which my response was almost horror to him...yes Elder! We are missionaries and this is what we do. Then he sat there with this hilarious dumb look on his face. I could not help but start to laugh which only made him think I was kidding. But it wasn't until we left and were soaked to the undies in the first two seconds that he finally believed me. The best thing ever.

The young green Elder that I have as a son has got so much to learn. He has got no street smarts what so ever. I mean he doesn't even have the ability to pull the "okay I am talking to a member that for the life of me I can't remember his name or that I even know him but I just say brother in such a way that it makes him feel like we are the best of friends." But with time I hope he will master some of the skills that are needed to live life. For example the bucket shower.

Yes it literally is what its name suggests. Having only one bucket of water to shower and trying to be clean. He is still the jerk who uses almost all the water and then complains that it was dirty when I get stuck with the muddy water left at the bottom of the bucket. So I then use his towel as my foot dryer-offer and the world is back in balance once again.

So yeah with the rain has come the break in the heat wave. As in it is in the low 90s to mid 80s and we are like this is the most amazing thing ever. It ends up just being such a needed break from the death by heat. Well that is about all that is happening in this adventure. I hope to hear from you again on this upcoming week's adventures. Love you all,

Mike