The Moria Report, Ed 28 Dec 2014

Well I guess I will see you all next year. Yeah, bye.


No! Not yet! Well this week went by the slowest fastness you have ever heard of. So to start with everyone and their mom were out of town for Christmas so we had a whole lot of days trying to contact people...the four left in town...after a lot of walking and crap. Well Christmas was kinda slow and the best part were the care packages that were perfectly timed.

Then after Christmas and the family time thanks to Skype. Good to know that the family is still there. Also as of note this is going to be short due to the fact that I just finished talking with you folks as of like four days. I will have more adventures and get back to you on the next edition of the report. Love you all,

Mike

The Christmas Email

Mike did send an email today, it was just about the family Christmas Skype session.

He did however attach something I think everyone will enjoy:

The Moria Report, Ed 8 Dec 2014

Well this week also went by super fast folks. So to start we had to take a bunch of trips around Honduras. First we had to travel the three hours for, and I am quoting the zone leaders here, a "very important, DON'T miss type of meeting" that ended up being a complete waste of time as the meeting was about nothing more than, "let's get to know the new missionaries in the zone." Your existence means NOTHING to me! So we had that amazing three hours there, two hours in a meeting, wait an hour and a half for the bus that comes "every half hour," and then three hours more to get back to the mines I love. Well that was only the first day of travel. So then on Thorsday...

...we had to travel to immigration in San Pedro so as to not "quedarme mojado en Honduras." Thanks Mr. Gringo for ruining this place for the rest of us.

Well after the four and a half hours thanks to a road system that boasts to have roads a little less crappy than the craters of the moon, we arrived in the shopping mall that holds the immigration paper department of Honduras. After a surprisingly, horribly, painfully, "I would rather take a cheese grater to my eye than have to wait more time" wait, we were finally served. As in they just had to spend two seconds to take finger prints and a photo and BOOM! That's all she wrote. I mean really...? That long for two seconds? I now understand somewhat of those people who go postal...just a wee bit. So long story short, NEVER pray for opportunities to develop more patience. I promise you will end up with weeks like this.

But enough of the amazing public transportation department and tragically slow immigration department complaints. The rest of the week was really good up until Sunday when my companion happened to get sick to his stomach. As in projectile vomit for only about...(check watch)...twelve hours or so. Just that. But hey in that time I had the opportunity to clean the entire house, be bored, take a cat nap, clean the house again, change where we had the four pieces of furniture around, realize it was better before and changed it back, read a crap ton, clean all my clothes, look at my watch and realize that it is still only 11:00 am. So yeah yesterday after the twelve hours my comp felt good enough to go to a member's house for a surprise b day bash for one of the missionaries here in the district. So a tradition here is to shove the person's head in the cake after they blow out the candles. And so yesterday I had the mantle of tradition fall over me. Let's just say that Hma Cardona now has cake up her nose so far that I still kinda feel bad about it...kinda...

Also this week we got the chance to baptize a full family, the Guzmán family. Martín and Esperanza were baptized. It was a real great thing to see them grow and develop their testimonies to the point that every time we would visit them they were asking us when they could be baptized...for about four weeks straight. Just a great family and we now just have to go and get some more gators cause all of ours got dunked. #HondurasMissionaryProblems. Well I love you all and remember that if you are all going to send me stuff to make sure that it is a bunch of wooden carvings of George Washington slaying a dragon with an American flag and put a crap ton of Jesus...oh, I mean Jesús stickers on the box so that the mail guys feel all guilt-tripped into not messing with it. Well I will see you all on the flipside. Oh side note: this Tuesday we also have to go to San Pedro again...(weeping slow bitter tears of defeat) WHY?!!

Loves

Mike...cough...Elder Duff*

*or if you un catracho one of the following: Elder Dooss, Elder Duck, Elder Stuff, Elder Stoos, Elder...no recuerde su nombre, or Elder Cerveza (in honor of The Simpsons)

The Moria Report, Ed 1 Dec 2014

Well folks today I find myself yet again here to write down the adventures that we have been having in the mountain home of Las Vegas, Santa Barbara. This last week was actually pretty eventful. So to start, I am still in fact here in Mochito. Yeah there hasn't been a change yet for me so I get to enjoy these nice temperatures a wee bit longer. So in that time from last Monday to this we had been planning an activity for the church here. It was the Súper Plan de Salvación. It was where we decorated the chapel like the Plan of Salvation including, but not limited to, the Creation, life on Earth, death...the whole SHABANG! Well it took a while to coordinate the efforts of the church leaders here and that of the six missionaries. But for being a science fair project it turned out really great. People would walk through and experience the Plan of Salvation and understand the answers to the three huge questions: 1) Where were we before being born on Earth? 2) What is our purpose in life? and 3) What happens after death? It was pretty great to say the least. So my companion and I were in charge of the resurrection and let's just say that a minion had the chance to come back to life and pop out of a cardboard grave. It was a great activity to say the least.

In other news for all of you who wondered...Thanksgiving sucked this year. We actually forgot about it for most of the day until our next door neighbor's turkey started mocking us. Yes, there was much contemplation of whether to hpo the fence in an epic Turkey Raid operation but in the end we just suffered through like most missionaries do when not in the states for their mission. But we did celebrate as best as we could. We had a couple beleadas and ate them trying not to cry too much and not think of pumpkin pie and turkey. You know what, it's not like I even wanted good food anyway...okay I will stop lying to you all. But hey don't worry life here is still good. Just living it up and trying to find more and more of those willing to come into the fold of God. Well I hope you are all having amazing adventures too. Can't wait to hear from you all.

Love,

Elder Duff

The Moria Report, Ed 24 Nov 2014

Well folks, this week went by really too fast. You guys ever had those weeks where you have about forty thousand things to do and not any time at all to do them? Well that was this week for sure. So the great news is that this week we baptized our super stud gator, Edgardo! It was amazing to see how happy he was after the baptism. He bore with us the most amazing testimony about how he had been prepared his whole life for this moment. It showed that everyday actions that we have can help shape people's futures. It wasn't really one missionary that made the overall difference but a combination of a whole bunch of people to help Edgardo.

Other things that have happened this week...hmmm let me see. Well we also have about six more people preparing to get baptized this next month which will be awesome! Well in other news we may have changes this coming Wednesday and so we will see if there is another Moria Report or if the report comes from another place in Honduras. Well I am sorry but it is short and sweet today. Can't wait to hear from you all. See you next week,

Mike

The Moria Report, Ed 17 November 2014

Well Folks,

This last week FLEW by. And by FLEW by I really mean that we almost were late to church because we woke up thinking that it was Friday and not Sunday. So the big things that happened this week...hmmmm...where to begin? Oh Yes! So I had to take a few of the missionaries from my district here in Mochito to San Pedro to take care of their immigration papers. So we loaded up in a bus bright and early Wednesday morning and rode the three hours in to the big city. Well it should have been three hours but after the bus going only 10 mph for an hour and a half plus construction and a wreck making pile ups turned into an almost six hour bus ride. Great huh? Well I don't know if you guys have even been in a hot tropical environment in an enclosed bus filled to overflowing with a bunch of sweaty catrachos, but the smell was...well I will let your imagination go on that one. So once we finally got in to the immigration building we then had to play the game of sit around and wait...another three hours. Well after sitting and realizing just how horrible re-runs of the hit Spanish program "Caso Cerrado" really are we finally got service. Only to realize that one of the elders broke the camera to take his pic for his residency card. Yes, what followed for the following forty-five minutes was ugly jokes. Then thanks to the delays, we ran back trying to catch our bus back to Mochito only to watch it sail away with a cloud of dusty defeat washing over us. So let me just list up what has happened so far in the story:

There we are, in San Pedro...at 6:00 pm. It is getting dark outside. I have the most experience out of the group of elders I am with in San Pedro which is a whole whopping two days, once...we have no food, no shelter, we are in the most dangerous city outside of a warzone, alone...I know what you are thinking but...

So we just stayed with the office rats for the night and after a rousing game of extreme tag where only three people were hurt we called it a night. Then the next morn we got back on the bus. This time only a four hour journey. And then the rest of the week was spent trying to teach and reactivate a whole bunch of people. It was a really fast week. Well I will have more to tell you guys next week,

Mike

The Moria Report, Ed 10 Nov 2014

Well folks,

So remember this one time that I was writing a whole huge email and then the power went out in the entire city? Oh you don't? Well it was last week. Right as I get ready to send an email BOOM! No power. So apparently I wasn't to write you all last week about the adventures I was having. So this week went by super fast! As in I feel like it has only been a few days and in fact it has been an entire week. So this week we have been focusing in on once again just trying to reactivate the new converts from the last two years. And let me say it has been a wee bit depressing. But hey we soldiered on nonetheless. So the big thing from this week is the fact that I have come to the point that my "I don't care about your excuses" sounds really good. So many people this week presented me with so many excuses it just got really old. My basic ploy was trying to turn it into a "they machete themselves after a really simple question" session and that question normally was one such as "but is that more important than your eternal salvation?" That was mostly the best approach was trying to get them to realize that it ain't as important as the reason why we go to church. So in short we have been just trying to reinforce the ward here by just getting them to take care of their own.

This last week we also got to do divisions with the other elders here in Mochito. I was with Elder Ambler, the really tall white one from Colorado. So we just got right to it and started contacting to get more investigators. It was really great to see the new guys trying to get at it. The motto for our time was YOMO (You Only Mission Once) and then we would just call out the people who the other guy would contact. We were walking and met this really old guy that Ambler wanted to talk to only to find out that he is blind and almost all the way deaf. So I was fighting back laughing as Elder Ambler was yelling at this guy in his, progressing but still gringo, Spanish. Like all the neighbors came out to see why two gringos were yelling at the old guy. Experiences every single day.

Well that is about all that I have for this week's update. Love you guys and can't wait to hear from you next week,

Mike