The Report From the Fork in the Road, Ed 30 Junio 2014

Well this week was awesome because we had yet another encounter with Pancho the raccoon. Yeah he is just as much fun as he was before cause he stole candy out of my comp's pocket and then ran up a post eating it all. But it was a piece of candy with gum on the inside so he ended up chewing for like twenty minutes all the gum. Pancho looked super angry after for how much effort it was to eat that candy.

Hahaha! Totally my best part of the day every day. So the work here in Dos Caminos is progressing in a different way actually. So really what seems to be the need of the branch here is reactivate the people, especially in our area. We have 320 members in the branch here but in our area only three families come to church every week. Yeah so that means we have to find and reactivate roughly three hundred people. talk about crazy, huh? Well in that department we are getting kinda really depressed cause the people we visit just tell us that they know it is all true but just really don't want to go. Some for the crazy chisme that happens in the branch, others cause the crazy megalomaniac of a branch president kinda scares them away. Yeah so it is getting difficult like always but one thing I have learned is that when it is the most difficult in life it is right before something great is about to happen. So we will just keep up the work and attack it with all our strength until we get to seeing the results of our labors.

 So my child is beginning to show his ability with Spanish. He just gets a bit scared to talk to the catrachos because they speak so fast. It is coming along though. So we contacted this woman, Isis, well she isn't just some random lady she is actually our neighbor. But when we met her we gave her a pamphlet and then set up a follow up appointment. So when we went back two days later to teach she was all super excited to talk to us. So she had invited her cousin and his wife to listen to us too. Well we started to get to know her and she is a 25 year old doctor who is finishing up her residency and so we started to talk about the lesson. So we asked her what she remembered from the pamphlet and then she just blew our minds away. She, without having the pamphlet out, taught us basically word for word the first lesson including going into details about the difference between the Aaronic Priesthood and the Melchizedek Priesthood. After her teaching the lesson to her family and us she just asked two things: if she could have a Book of Mormon to read and asked what language was the book originally in.

Well there was a good minute of silence. We missionaries looked at each other in unbelief. Elder Sessions then asked through his teeth if this had ever happened before. Well it in fact had never happened in my experience. I then handed Isis my missionary tag and said she could do our jobs for us forever. It is really great to see that there really are people prepared to receive us and the message. Of course I hope I don't get spoiled by how easily she is progressing. But yeah that is about all the good news worth reporting. Can't wait to hear from you all. Loves ya,

Mike

PS you should all get a pet raccoon named Pancho. He is boss. There, that is all.

The Report From the Fork in the Road, Ed 23 Junio 2014

Well folks! It seems that we are here once again. Well this week was once again another adventure. Let's just say that this week's episode involves rain, mud, mud, ummmm, mud, and a zombie chicken. So let's get to it, shall we?

So with the start of this last week came the rains to Honduras again. As in it has been raining every single day in the afternoon again. Which means that we only have to suffer through the first half of the day of heat then we just have to walk around soaked the second half. Well we take what we can get, right? Well now we are just trying to adapt to the wet season again. It is sill hilarious that when it rains there are only two people in the street here, Elder Duff and Elder Sessions. Everyone else just seems to disappear. The other day it was raining so hard that the streets were filled with knee deep water and we were walking when suddenly my companion just sings into this hole in the street and basically gets all soaked. It was actually really great to see. He was pretty upset but hey I got a good laugh out of it. But since I am training him does that make me a horrible dad since I just laugh at my son's misfortunes and then still remind him of it days later? Probably not. But hey life is to laugh at hilarious things, right?

So the work here is progressing as well as my Spanish. And you know what that means...my English is just sucking horribly. I mean I find myself talking and saying Spanish things without even noticing. My child who is progressing with his Spanish but still struggles just looks at me weird and I don't even know why sometimes. Until one day he recorded me talking to him and it ended up like this: "Okay hoy tenemos a lot of citas and the goal is to atacar las dudas que our gators have. When we meet with Hermana Garcia remember our compromiso por ella..." I mean I could go on forever. And the saddest part is I think I am speaking English the whole time. (Slow sobbing at this sad development) Why? What did I do to have this travesty happen? I mean English is my thing, what am I going to be without it? Uh I don't want to think of that, it makes me sick. I mean if you want to know what it would be like just take your favorite movie and listen to it in Spanish. It dies, all jokes, all things you loved, and suddenly you end up with a taste of beans and tortillas in the back of your throat. Sorry for ruining your guys' favorite movies now. But hey it is happening to me rather quickly as it seems. Well that is about all that is in this report. Sorry that there isn't a whole lot. I will take care to update you all on the adventures of next week better.

But just to end, birthday wish list...beef jerky. Lots of it. A leather bound journal cause mine is getting full with the everyday adventure count, maybe something cool and manly like a wolverine or maybe a large laminated picture of John Wayne. About anything that is 'Merican will be accepted as we need to remember that America really is the greatest place ever. You all better enjoy it or I will come there and make sure you do.

Well I love you all and hope that you are all doing well and if you aren't well just remember to look for your own adventures every day. Until I hear from you all,

Mike

The Report From the Fork in the Road...Ed 16 Junio 2014

Well as you guys can now probably tell, yes I was changed out of Naco and am in a new area called Dos Caminos. And for those of you who hate me and send curses on me (Time DeGriselles) I will let you all know that the curses worked and I am in fact training again. Yeah laugh it up while you can just wait until I get there and beat...I mean have a nice long calm talk about feelings and such...

Yeah so my new child is from Mesa, Arizona, which I think is somewhere in the Southern part of Africa for all you people who don't know where it is. His name is Jarom Sessions and is really tall. But hey he wants to work and that is what I like to hear so we are now just attacking with full force here in the new area that we call home.

So let's talk about that we have been having. So we were walking getting to know the area when all of a sudden I see a fruit stand and they had some really good looking bananas so my new child and I walked over to get some fruit to eat and then while I am there suddenly something jumps out of the rafters of the stand and attacks me. And by attacks I mean starts licking me and playing. But I was still startled. I believe that most people would be when a seven pound raccoon jumps on you while buying bananas.

Yeah so now we have a new buddy every day when we pass that banana stand. I haven't asked the name of the coon yet but he is really cool. I will for sure be sending some photos of him cause he is just a ball of fun. But always attacks me like a ninja with sneak attack tactics. But eh at least I now have a fun buddy to feed fruit and enjoy playing with.

Other cool things from this week, so the branch president here in Dos Caminos is famous for being an insane control freak that breaks all rules of the Church and takes authority that he doesn't have and basically making the lives of the missionaries horrible here. Well maybe the other missionaries haven't had a spine or something cause in my first meeting with the dude I just listened to everything that he was saying and at the end of his speech I just pulled out the red handbook that he has as a branch president and just went through and told him basically that he needs to read it and understand that just about everything that he is trying to do is in fact against Church regulations. And now he is a littler angry but the work is now actually advancing here cause the missionaries can work without being harassed at every turn by the local loco (pun intended).

Well now that I have just stooped to the level of throwing puns into my letter I think it is time to get back to the normal adventures that I have been having. So let's see today we played soccer against all the other missionaries in our zone...cough, cough, the Latins...oh sorry for that coughing fit. But today was team gringo against the world as we said. And guess what...we totally murdered them. So I guess they just aren't used to all the other players shirking away from contact in the game cause they just had the crap beat out of them today. As in all I would do is literally just take their hits and then more than one of them went a-end over tea kettle as the bigger gringos just started playing how we normally do. I also had some very dramatic slide tackles and an almost graceful butterfly kick that almost was close to the goal.

Well this is about all that I have for this week of adventures. I hope to hear from you all soon and just remember to keep safe and that I love you all. Now go have adventures for yourselves and then tell me about them. Oh and for all you fathers out there remember that you aren't that special. I say this cause just had a full day of people saying how cool you all are and there has to be oppositions in all things so I am just telling you that you all are "meh" at best. Except for my old man. he's okay I guess. No I love you Old Man Rivier, just keep up the mustache cause everyone in the mission loves the pics of your mustache that I have. Well I will see you next week.

Loves,

Mike

"Every day an adventure!"

The Ghetto Report, Ed 9 Junio 2014

Well this week in the Neverland was very interesting. Well let's start with the beginning shall we? Well first we had divisions with one of the assistants to the president or AP as we call them. Let's just say don't forget that you are a missionary too...ever! So at the end we had a nice talk and he went home with his tail between his legs. Mormon kids...gosh! Then after we just got back to work and got a whole lot of good as in a whole bunch of service.

Father, can I just say that for once all your slave labor tasks that you forced me to do are finally paying off. The jobs that I did this week starting with landscaping with a machete (yeah talk about your manliness level skyrocketing through the rough!) Fixing water PVC lines, home electrician (scary but yes I have more experience with that than all of Honduras), painting a house, leveling out a whole yard with a shovel and machete (control your selves ladies, please) and giving a haircut to a poor family with...hair trimmers. Now that I have shown that I am a total catch it is time to remind you that I always was you just never took time to look.

And now back on to the news. So looks like I might be getting a change seeing as how I have been in this area for more than six months now. But I will know tomorrow so next week we will see what type of Report it is. Well I have to go do some more manly things with a machete and necktie. I love you all and am doing really well. I hope to have some more time next week but until then remember how amazing you all can be.

Loves,

Mike

(Yeah the guy who is a mix between Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones and Sean Connery as 007)

The Change the Jungle Has Had On Me So Far

Well here is the transformation so far...

1. Last day in the MTC

2. And two weeks ago with a less active member who forgot we had an appointment with her at 4:00 pm and was taking a nap.

The Ghetto Report, Ed 2 Junio 2014

Well where should this report begin?

So first this week was really long. No we still haven't had an baptisms here in Naco and it has been a little bit frustrating cause we are working really hard here to try and help our gators to progress but you know it isn't the results that we should be after but it would be nice. Right now our big work is just animating the members and reactivation for the less actives then we move on to baptizing the people who will make up the leadership here in the future of Naco.

But also just so you all can know it is really really really hot and I am always really really really sweaty. But hey, it could be worse. I could be from New Jersey. (Shout out to those from New Jersey). No really it is really hot every day but the good news is that we are starting to get more rain which will break the heat wave for about an hour or two then it is hotter afterwards. Yeah it is still really fun to be out in the heat.

Also on another note I hope that all your air conditioners break so that I can laugh and enjoy the brief moment of laughing so that you all can feel just a little bit of what it is like. So to begin your day of Honduras heat I need you all to get up ant at 7:00 am it will be about 80 degrees or so. Well you start studying and by about 9:00 am you are already sweating horribly. By lunchtime, it is about 90-95 degrees and you are getting ready for the heat of the day. Then after you go out or the full block in the afternoon it is almost 100 on the hot days and on the less it is almost 100. Yeah well that has been your day in the life of the heat here in Naco. But hey you know I will still end up sweaty and all that no matter if you guys suffer it for one brief time too.

So in other news the world here is still crazy and filled with beans and lots of tortillas. And on that same note I am now an expert in making corn flour tortillas by hand. A skill that will really only serve me when I feel like eating a tortilla and have no other means of finding one. but it is fun to learn about the culture here.

Not this week but the next week there are changes and the news in the street is that seeing as I have been here in this area for six months going on seven I am looking at having a change. Right now it is a fifty-fifty chance but hey it's always a fifty-fifty chance right?

Well that is about all that I have for right now. We are all good here and not getting sick. Except for the occasional Colombian who won't listen to his trainer/father when he says "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." But then it is always funny afterward when he is totally regretting not listening. I think I have taken the parenting approach where I take a more passive roll by giving him the information that he needs but then he has to decided to act on it or not. It ends up being really funny for me. But in the end he is learning. Ha! Who needs Dr. Spock and his book? Parenting is easy (said no one ever!)

But that is about all that I have for right now. I will see you in the next week's updates. Loves ya,

Mike